How Internal Family Systems Therapy helps to heal the inner criticInternal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach that views the mind as a complex system of various sub-personalities or parts. The "inner critic" is a part that often manifests as a harsh and judgmental voice within us. Through the process of unburdening in IFS, you can transform your inner critic into a more constructive and supportive force.
As we get to know different parts of you using IFS, one part that seems to be present in almost everyone is the inner critic. The inner critic is often a prominent figure, wielding significant influence over our thoughts and behaviours. This is a part that is often unpopular with others in our inner system and many types of therapy will focus on trying to overcome the inner critic. IFS takes a different approach. |
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In IFS, the goal is not to eliminate the inner critic but to understand and transform its extreme and polarized nature. We want to get to know the inner critic while keeping in mind that all parts of us have good intentions. This often leads to being able to get to know the inner critic in a whole new way as we discover the positive intentions behind it’s criticism of you. Rather than viewing it solely as a source of criticism, we recognize the inner critic as a well-intentioned guardian that, in its own way, sought to shield you from emotional pain and vulnerability. This shift in perspective sets the stage for a more cooperative and harmonious internal dialogue.
The first step in getting to know your inner critic through IFS involves recognising its presence. Your inner critic may manifest as self-doubt, negative self-talk, perfectionism, or a constant feeling of inadequacy. To identify your inner critic, pay attention to moments when you feel a heightened sense of self-judgment or notice a recurring pattern of negative thoughts. The following are some examples of the diverse ways the inner critic can manifest:
The first step in getting to know your inner critic through IFS involves recognising its presence. Your inner critic may manifest as self-doubt, negative self-talk, perfectionism, or a constant feeling of inadequacy. To identify your inner critic, pay attention to moments when you feel a heightened sense of self-judgment or notice a recurring pattern of negative thoughts. The following are some examples of the diverse ways the inner critic can manifest:
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- Comparative Critic:
- Inner dialogue: "Look at what others have achieved. You are nowhere near that level."
- Associated feelings: Envy, inferiority, competitiveness.
- Hopelessness Critic:
- Inner dialogue: "Why bother trying? You'll never succeed."
- Associated feelings: Despair, resignation, giving up.
- Catastrophizing Critic:
- Inner dialogue: "If you make a mistake, everything will fall apart. It will be a disaster."
- Associated feelings: Anxiety, fear of the worst-case scenario.
- Pessimistic Critic:
- Inner dialogue: "Things will never get better. You're stuck in a hopeless situation."
- Associated feelings: Hopelessness, discouragement.
- Overwhelmed Critic:
- Inner dialogue: "You can't handle this. It's too much for you."
- Associated feelings: Anxiety, stress, feeling overburdened.
- Harsh Taskmaster Critic:
- Inner dialogue: "You should be doing more. You're lazy and unproductive."
- Associated feelings: Guilt, pressure to achieve, never feeling good enough.
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Once you identify your inner critic, the next step is to engage in a dialogue with this part of yourself. The IFS approach encourages individuals to treat their inner critic with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment. Begin by acknowledging the presence of your inner critic and inviting it into a conversation.
Ask questions such as:
By engaging in this internal dialogue, you may uncover deeper insights into the underlying fears and motivations of your inner critic. Often, the inner critic emerges as a protective mechanism developed in response to past experiences or external expectations. |
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Transcript: Example dialogue with the inner critic:
Therapist (T): May I speak with the inner critic directly? I’d like to get to know it better.
Client (C): Yes, we can try
Therapist: Are you there?
Inner critic (IC): Yes
T: Could you tell me about your job, how you try to help Sarah?
IC: Yeah if she listened to me she would get more work done, she wouldn’t waste so much time. She’s always so lazy.
T: You are trying to help protect her from wasting time, can you say more about that? What are you concerned would happen if you didn’t do your job?
IC: Life is passing her by, she would never get anything done, she would be a failure, a loser, worthless.
T: I hear that you are working really hard to try and help Sarah not have to feel like a failure or a loser. I notice a part of me really appreciating you looking out for her in that way. What are you concerned would happen if Sarah doesn’t get enough done? If she fails?
IC: She would be worthless, nothing, it’s not ok to live like that.
T: It sounds like you are working really hard, how long have you been doing this?
IC: Forever
T: Do you remember anything about why you needed to start doing this job?
IC: I remember hearing Mum and Dad criticise people on TV who make any mistakes or failed at something. That’s when I realised that it is really important for Sarah not to be like that.
T: Thank you for sharing that with me, I really appreciate being able to get to know you better, is there anything else you want to say before I talk to Sarah again.
IC: It’s nice to be appreciated for a change, I do only want to help Sarah, I wish she would listen to me more instead of pushing me away.
T: That makes a lot of sense to me, is there anything more you would like to say now, while we’re here listening?
IC: I want her to be more focused on work next week, she has some important goals and I don’t want them to get lost or forgotten.
T: I appreciate you looking out for these goals for Sarah. Is it ok if we check in with Sarah on that, see if she agreed to focus more on work next week.
IC: Yes
T: Sarah, how was that for you?
C: I really appreciate this part of me too, I never saw it that way before, that it is really just looking out for me.
T: Great. The part asked that you focus more on work next week, how do you respond to that request?
C: Yes I can do that, I would like to do that.
T: See if you can check how the inner critic is responding as it hears your appreciation and as it hears that you agreed to its request.
C: It likes that, I see it smiling and giving me a thumbs up.
T: Great, if it feels genuine, send it some appreciation one more time as we close today, let it know you really do appreciate it’s hard work in looking out for you.
Therapist (T): May I speak with the inner critic directly? I’d like to get to know it better.
Client (C): Yes, we can try
Therapist: Are you there?
Inner critic (IC): Yes
T: Could you tell me about your job, how you try to help Sarah?
IC: Yeah if she listened to me she would get more work done, she wouldn’t waste so much time. She’s always so lazy.
T: You are trying to help protect her from wasting time, can you say more about that? What are you concerned would happen if you didn’t do your job?
IC: Life is passing her by, she would never get anything done, she would be a failure, a loser, worthless.
T: I hear that you are working really hard to try and help Sarah not have to feel like a failure or a loser. I notice a part of me really appreciating you looking out for her in that way. What are you concerned would happen if Sarah doesn’t get enough done? If she fails?
IC: She would be worthless, nothing, it’s not ok to live like that.
T: It sounds like you are working really hard, how long have you been doing this?
IC: Forever
T: Do you remember anything about why you needed to start doing this job?
IC: I remember hearing Mum and Dad criticise people on TV who make any mistakes or failed at something. That’s when I realised that it is really important for Sarah not to be like that.
T: Thank you for sharing that with me, I really appreciate being able to get to know you better, is there anything else you want to say before I talk to Sarah again.
IC: It’s nice to be appreciated for a change, I do only want to help Sarah, I wish she would listen to me more instead of pushing me away.
T: That makes a lot of sense to me, is there anything more you would like to say now, while we’re here listening?
IC: I want her to be more focused on work next week, she has some important goals and I don’t want them to get lost or forgotten.
T: I appreciate you looking out for these goals for Sarah. Is it ok if we check in with Sarah on that, see if she agreed to focus more on work next week.
IC: Yes
T: Sarah, how was that for you?
C: I really appreciate this part of me too, I never saw it that way before, that it is really just looking out for me.
T: Great. The part asked that you focus more on work next week, how do you respond to that request?
C: Yes I can do that, I would like to do that.
T: See if you can check how the inner critic is responding as it hears your appreciation and as it hears that you agreed to its request.
C: It likes that, I see it smiling and giving me a thumbs up.
T: Great, if it feels genuine, send it some appreciation one more time as we close today, let it know you really do appreciate it’s hard work in looking out for you.
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Finding out the story behind why the inner critic first took on its role often leads to an understanding that this appeared to be the only option for keeping you safe at the time.
Often the inner critic will not be aware of your current age and situation in life and will think that it is still protecting a young child. |
Getting to know your inner critic through Internal Family Systems is a powerful and transformative process. It often ends up being possible to liberate this part of your personality from the critical role it plays in your system and becomes a journey from a critical inner dialogue to a supportive internal ally. The part then no longer feels compelled to criticise you and may take on another role such as becoming an inner cheerleader or becoming a source of constructive guidance and support, offering insightful feedback without resorting to debilitating judgment.
As the inner critic relaxes and leaves its role behind, this is likely to have a profound effect on the whole system, opening up possibilities for further healing, more joy, positivity and peace going forward.
As the inner critic relaxes and leaves its role behind, this is likely to have a profound effect on the whole system, opening up possibilities for further healing, more joy, positivity and peace going forward.
If you would like support with these issues and more, feel free to reach out to me for a free consultation where we can discuss how I can help: book a free initial consultation