6 practices for exploring guidance and inner wisdom in IFSWhat if you didn’t have to figure everything out on your own?
What if, alongside your own thinking mind and your parts, there was another source of wisdom available to you — something you could turn to when you felt lost, uncertain or unsure of your next step? In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we learn to develop a relationship with our parts and to access the qualities of Self: curiosity, compassion, calm, clarity, confidence, courage, creativity and connectedness. For me, there is an interesting meeting point between this Self-energy and spirituality. We can become curious about the possibility of receiving guidance from something beyond our individual, everyday thinking mind. We might call this a guide, God, Spirit, the universe, our higher Self, nature, or simply a deeper source of wisdom. You don't have to have a particular belief system to experiment with this. |
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You can be curious.
You can try it and see what happens.
And, importantly, your parts don't have to agree with the idea. They can be sceptical, curious, enthusiastic, frightened or completely uninterested. They are welcome too.
You can try it and see what happens.
And, importantly, your parts don't have to agree with the idea. They can be sceptical, curious, enthusiastic, frightened or completely uninterested. They are welcome too.
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Making space for guidance
One of the things I love about working with spiritual guidance through an IFS lens is that we don't have to force anything. We can begin by asking our parts to soften back a little and make space. Perhaps you might say: "I'd like to explore the possibility of receiving some guidance here. Parts, you don't have to do this for me. You can simply listen with me and see what happens." Then we listen. The guidance might come as words. It might be an image, a memory, a bodily sensation or a sudden sense of knowing. Or perhaps nothing happens at all. That's okay too. |
One of the most useful things I've discovered is that imagination can be part of the process. If you aren't sure whether you're actually receiving guidance, you can simply imagine what a wise and loving guide who wanted the very best for you might say.
You don't have to decide immediately whether the experience is spiritual, psychological, imaginative — or some combination of these.
You can simply be curious about what emerges.
You don't have to decide immediately whether the experience is spiritual, psychological, imaginative — or some combination of these.
You can simply be curious about what emerges.
1. Writing for guidance
One simple way of experimenting with guidance is through writing.
First, ask your parts to gather around and listen to whatever guidance comes. Let them know that they don't need to jump in and solve the problem for you.
Then write down your question.
It could be something very simple:
"What is your guidance for me today?"
Or you might ask about something specific:
Then write.
Don't worry too much about whether what you're writing is "really" coming from a guide. Just allow whatever comes to come.
If nothing comes, imagine what a wise, loving guide might say.
Once you've finished, read back over what you've written.
You can then bring your IFS awareness to the process and notice what feels like it comes from a part and what has the qualities of Self-energy.
Does the written guidance feel wise, loving, spacious and compassionate?
Or does it have a strong agenda?
Does it sound frightened, critical, urgent or controlling?
You don't have to believe every thought that arises simply because you have asked for guidance.
We can stay curious and discerning.
One simple way of experimenting with guidance is through writing.
First, ask your parts to gather around and listen to whatever guidance comes. Let them know that they don't need to jump in and solve the problem for you.
Then write down your question.
It could be something very simple:
"What is your guidance for me today?"
Or you might ask about something specific:
- "What do I need to know about this situation?"
- "What would be helpful for me to remember right now?"
- "What is my next step?"
Then write.
Don't worry too much about whether what you're writing is "really" coming from a guide. Just allow whatever comes to come.
If nothing comes, imagine what a wise, loving guide might say.
Once you've finished, read back over what you've written.
You can then bring your IFS awareness to the process and notice what feels like it comes from a part and what has the qualities of Self-energy.
Does the written guidance feel wise, loving, spacious and compassionate?
Or does it have a strong agenda?
Does it sound frightened, critical, urgent or controlling?
You don't have to believe every thought that arises simply because you have asked for guidance.
We can stay curious and discerning.
2. What if someone in your life is your guide?
Here's another experiment I find fascinating.
Choose someone in your life — perhaps someone you like, someone you admire, or even someone who triggers you.
Ask yourself:
"How is this person my guide?"
What are they here to teach me?
What am I learning through having this person in my life?
What qualities are they inviting me to develop?
This can be particularly interesting when the person is difficult for us.
I once explored this question about someone who triggered parts of me quite strongly. My initial reaction was that she was rude, talked too much and was difficult to be around.
But when I asked, "How might this person be guiding me?", something very different emerged.
Then I imagined sitting with this person and asking:
"How are you here for me?"
The answer that came to me was: "To help you learn kindness with boundaries."
That felt significant.
Not kindness without boundaries.
Not tolerating everything.
But learning that I can be kind to someone while still maintaining appropriate boundaries.
I could then ask myself:
"How will I carry this guidance forward?"
Perhaps the answer is simply: I will practise being consistently kind, even when parts of me are irritated.
Whether or not we believe that the universe deliberately places particular people in our lives as teachers, this can be a powerful way of looking at our relationships.
It changes the question from:
"Why is this person so annoying?"
to:
"What is this experience inviting me to learn?"
Here's another experiment I find fascinating.
Choose someone in your life — perhaps someone you like, someone you admire, or even someone who triggers you.
Ask yourself:
"How is this person my guide?"
What are they here to teach me?
What am I learning through having this person in my life?
What qualities are they inviting me to develop?
This can be particularly interesting when the person is difficult for us.
I once explored this question about someone who triggered parts of me quite strongly. My initial reaction was that she was rude, talked too much and was difficult to be around.
But when I asked, "How might this person be guiding me?", something very different emerged.
- I saw opportunities to practise acceptance.
- To remember that people don't have to be perfect to deserve kindness and respect.
- To tolerate boredom and the experience of not getting what I want without losing my sense of peace.
- To remember that I am not somehow above another person simply because their behaviour irritates me.
- To practise mercy.
- To become large enough to hold difficult people patiently.
Then I imagined sitting with this person and asking:
"How are you here for me?"
The answer that came to me was: "To help you learn kindness with boundaries."
That felt significant.
Not kindness without boundaries.
Not tolerating everything.
But learning that I can be kind to someone while still maintaining appropriate boundaries.
I could then ask myself:
"How will I carry this guidance forward?"
Perhaps the answer is simply: I will practise being consistently kind, even when parts of me are irritated.
Whether or not we believe that the universe deliberately places particular people in our lives as teachers, this can be a powerful way of looking at our relationships.
It changes the question from:
"Why is this person so annoying?"
to:
"What is this experience inviting me to learn?"
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3. Meeting your older, wiser self
Another way to access guidance is to imagine meeting yourself many years from now. Perhaps you imagine yourself at 80 years old. Choose a place where you would like to meet. It might be somewhere in nature, a cosy living room, a beach, a garden — anywhere that feels right. Bring with you the parts who are affected by whatever you're struggling with. |
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Give each part a comfortable place to sit.
Then invite your older, wiser self to join you.
You can allow each part to speak with her individually if that feels helpful.
Sometimes a new perspective becomes available when we step outside the immediate urgency of our current situation.
Our older, wiser self may have a different sense of time.
She may know that something which feels enormous today will eventually become part of a much larger story.
Then invite your older, wiser self to join you.
- What does she know that you don't know yet?
- What does she want you to remember?
- What advice does she have for you?
You can allow each part to speak with her individually if that feels helpful.
Sometimes a new perspective becomes available when we step outside the immediate urgency of our current situation.
Our older, wiser self may have a different sense of time.
She may know that something which feels enormous today will eventually become part of a much larger story.
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4. Receiving guidance from nature
Nature can provide another doorway into guidance. You might imagine inviting a guide to meet you somewhere in nature. Perhaps you walk through a forest, climb a hill or sit beside a lake. You don't need to decide in advance who or what your guide will be. Simply arrive at the place and see what happens.
You might also experiment with receiving guidance directly from nature:
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Then ask:
"What is your guidance for me?"
Perhaps you receive words. Perhaps an image appears. Perhaps you experience a feeling or a bodily sense. Or perhaps you simply experience the tree, stone or water exactly as it is.
There is no right experience. The invitation is simply to become receptive.
"What is your guidance for me?"
Perhaps you receive words. Perhaps an image appears. Perhaps you experience a feeling or a bodily sense. Or perhaps you simply experience the tree, stone or water exactly as it is.
There is no right experience. The invitation is simply to become receptive.
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5. What is my next step?
Sometimes we don't need a five-year plan. We just need to know what to do next. You can ask: "What is my next step?" Before asking, invite your parts to settle and make some space. Then listen. You might write down whatever answer comes. And then check in with your parts.
The answer I received recently to this question was surprisingly ordinary: |
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"Get ready for your next client so you're not in a rush. Then come back and continue working on this gently. Not in a rush. Enjoy the process."
There was nothing mystical about the instruction but it felt like guidance.
Perhaps spiritual guidance isn't always going to give us a grand revelation.
Sometimes it might simply remind us to slow down.
To make a cup of tea.
To have the difficult conversation.
To rest.
To take the next small step.
There was nothing mystical about the instruction but it felt like guidance.
Perhaps spiritual guidance isn't always going to give us a grand revelation.
Sometimes it might simply remind us to slow down.
To make a cup of tea.
To have the difficult conversation.
To rest.
To take the next small step.
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6. Asking for a map and compass
When we are thinking about purpose and direction, we can ask guidance for something more symbolic. You might ask: "Please show me a map for my life." Or: "Please give me a compass I can use when I don't know which direction to take." |
You may see an actual map in your imagination.
Perhaps there is a path from where you are now to somewhere you want to go.
Perhaps a particular route becomes visible.
Or perhaps you receive a compass.
For me, the image that comes is a mountain. I'm somewhere about a third of the way up. Sometimes I'm guided to take another step upwards. Sometimes I'm guided to rest exactly where I am. Sometimes there is a little detour.
I don't have to see the entire route, I just need to know the next step.
Perhaps there is a path from where you are now to somewhere you want to go.
Perhaps a particular route becomes visible.
Or perhaps you receive a compass.
For me, the image that comes is a mountain. I'm somewhere about a third of the way up. Sometimes I'm guided to take another step upwards. Sometimes I'm guided to rest exactly where I am. Sometimes there is a little detour.
I don't have to see the entire route, I just need to know the next step.
Spiritual guidance, like our relationship with our parts, can be approached with curiosity rather than certainty.
We can make space.
We can listen.
We can experiment.
And we can discover, over time, what happens when we stop insisting that we have to know the way forward all by ourselves.
We can make space.
We can listen.
We can experiment.
And we can discover, over time, what happens when we stop insisting that we have to know the way forward all by ourselves.
If you would like support with these issues and more, feel free to reach out to me for a free consultation where we can discuss how I can help: book a free initial consultation